Alpha

tiger

I guess a good start would be to write a little about myself. Listen to me. I’m already writing this like I have 10,000 readers.

I am an American twice-divorced single mother of 2 boys, and I have bi-polar disorder. In case you’re wondering, both of my boys are from the same father. He was a pretty good guy, but we just weren’t compatible. Anyway, the reason I say I’m American is because I’m am currently living in Sweden. Not for my sake, but for everyone else’s because I can honestly say, this is the loneliest place on earth. Oh swedes are friendly enough, but the majority of them aren’t as welcoming as one might think. But we’ll get back to them later.

I’ve told my story so many times that it’s taken me a long time to build up the energy to start this blog. I, like many pi-polar sufferers have had my major ups and downs, and talking about it over and over and over again is so draining. However, recently, with everything that I see happening on social media, tv shows and movies about trolls, bullying, depression, mania…I felt like I needed to start speaking out. To share my story, even though I’m just one person who means nothing, it could maybe change someone’s life. Maybe I can see the signs that no one else could and help save a life by just listening or being there for someone. I know I was put on this earth for a purpose, or, let’s face it, I’d be dead. I would have killed myself a long time ago because sometimes the pain has been so bad I just pray to God that he would make my heart stop beating and let it be over. You see, I could never take my own life. I could never do that to my mom, my best friends and most of all, I WOULD NEVER do that to my kids. Can you imagine growing up thinking you weren’t important enough for your mother to stay alive? How does a child get over that?

But here’s the thing. I don’t want to want to live just for other people. I want to want to live for me. How do I do that? What can possibly make me feel that way when so many bad things have happened that I’m constantly afraid that one good thing will go bad and I’ll fall into a black hole again?

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